My weakness I feel I must finally show.

I just want something good.
That's all there is to it.

Oh, I know you understand.

Life is boring. Except it isn't. It just seems like it.

Staying true to myself, I'm partially in adoration with this cute guy I see twice a week. Let's call him Dapper Boy, because that's exactly what he is. I love it. I actually went so far as to ask him out once. Unfortunately, he couldn't go. But Casey and I could.

We went to an ACIDIC show in Hollywood on the seventh. The band rented a limo for us, and we essentially partied with rock stars.

Casey took this. And Mike destroyed Mike's shirt.

These are the two who went with us to, and from, the show. They also drove us home, along with two of their friends, in what can be described as the most dangerous car ride ever.

What else.

Um.

Yesterday, Casey and I were going to go to the Boulevard for 99-cent papusas, but that plan failed spectacularly. They're only 99 cents on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Essentially, every day that we don't go. So instead, we got 99-cent burgers and an order of chili fries, wandered a beauty supply store, looked at makeup in Rite-Aid, and got all kinds of stoked to see that the Rite-Aid had a Thrifty's. We both got ice cream cones (Medieval Madness is the greatest flavour of all time. Pupkin is odd.) and felt tremendously nostalgic.

Thursday through Tuesday will be fairly busy. Thursday is the Farmer's Market, our weekly ritual. Friday will be a relatively chill day; the most exciting thing will be setting my hair in pin curls. Saturday is the Boolvd, a small Halloween festival on the Boulevard where we will be dressing up. Sunday is an out-of-town show, where we will be seeing Locked & Loaded. Monday, I will be turning nineteen, and we will become zombies and go to another show. Tuesday is a mall trip and my birthday dinner.

I am stoked, even if I have to miss dissecting a crayfish to become a zombie.

Do you feel strange on the inside?

The same old feeling are here, lurking and threatening to eat me alive.

I need to go somewhere. Somewhere new. Somewhere in the mountains, I think. I want to camp and be able to see the stars.

I'm feeling lonely. I want someone, but I don't want to stick my neck out and say "pick me!" I keep telling myself that I need to have more courage, but let's face it, I'm a coward. The mere thought of talking to someone I don't know, male or female or whatever, makes me want to find a hole. I've become a lot more antisocial within the last year. I can go for a full day without talking, and it doesn't bother me until I realise it.

I need a change.

Next fall can't come soon enough. This time next year, I'll be in Maine. I'll be somewhere I've never even seen before, and I can't wait.

No, seriously. I can't wait. At all.

We have poison in our pockets.

No word from the boy from the bus, but it's okay. I'm not dwelling and being weird like I usually do. Tonight on the bus, I'll hope to see someone cute, but it won't matter either way. I'll probably just sleep.

I haven't heard from Luis in a while, and I hate to say it, but I'm relieved.

My mom and I will call my Aunt Bev. Soon. Like, this week. She's the one who keeps forgetting, and she's the one who knows her number. It's not like returning a call to some weird old lady you sew with. We have to call her.

I have to talk to her again. Just one more time. That's all.

That's all.

You can't find your name in the script.

Let's start with a couple of photos from Carpinteria.

Seriously, I love this place so much. It's my home. Or, it will be. One day.

Anyway.

I still haven't talked to Luis since Tuesday. I don't know if I even really want to. Ugh, I hate this, not knowing. I really do.

But to make up for it all, I met a cute boy on the bus yesterday. It was quite a stroke of good luck, I think, since the bus was almost full. And, for the record, he talked to me. He has a great smile, and now I'm just waiting for him to add me on Facebook. He probably would have asked for my number if it hadn't been for an odd incident involving an older guy behind us and a children's book that may or may not exist.

Casey said it was adorable when I told her about how he waved to me when he got off the bus.

I have to agree.

It's all about the moderate climates.

How about a short, sweet update?
I went to Carpinteria for a few days in July. It was great, even if my brother was an idiot.
It took a lot to get me where I am right now, sitting at school on my laptop waiting for my math class to start. I'm still waitlisted, but I'm hopeful. And actually, this update is so brief because I really should get around to staring my homework.
I'm taking organismal biology, intermediate algebra, philosophy, and psychology. I'm most excited about bio, naturally.
I've been talking to Luis and I can't decide if I'm not into him, or if I'm just emotionally handicapped. I don't even know.
And that is all!

No, friend. I don't know, friend.

I know, it's been a long, long, long while. I get lazy when it comes to the internet. I think I'll be able to condense the past few months in a very brief post.

I'm going to fail my speech class. If I do pass, it'll be with a 60%. Whatever, I don't like that class and don't know why I took a coms class where I actually have to get up and give a speech. I'd rather play with daddy long legs. Except not really. In fact, I would rather give a speech than have anything to do with spiders.

I'm going to pass my SciFi class with flying colours. I mean, it would take more effort to fail it than it would to pass.

I'm doing well in bio, which I'm pretty pleased with.

I'm passing math by the grace of the gods, and the fact that I can play the system. Wow, I am a terrible student. I probably drive my teachers to drink.

I'm done with Luis. That's all there is to it. That's all that needs to be said.

Casey said she'll help me find someone this summer. Her end goal is a bit different from mine (with a distraction, I won't be able to distract her), but it's all good. Best friends are for insulting each other and helping each other.

My great uncle passed away last week. We're going to the funeral on Friday. I'm freaking out a little bit, but I know that after the fact, the whole thing will just disappear. I'm an expert at shoving away bad thoughts until they stop existing.

And other than the fact that I'm expecting an amazing summer, that's everything!

Bound by the surprise of our glory days.

I don't know what it is about this song. It's on repeat and every time, I feel the same things. It might bring me to tears or something.

It feels like a reminder of what I could have, should have done and said.

He slipped through my fingers and now, there's nothing to be done. Why do I keep telling myself that I don't care? I do, and that's all there is to it.

I hate it. I hate this feeling.

Whatever, whatever, whatever. Nothing will ever happen, and one day, it'll take me a few minutes to totally recall him and I'll finally be happy.

Oh, gods, I hope.

Don't mind me, I'm just kind of...lamenty.

We're talkin' about two different things.

I need school to start. I need distractions. I need new faces and new names that I won't be able to remember. I need new guys in my life. I'm absolutely going to find someone this semester, whether I rekindle what I had with the fellow who shall henceforth be dubbed The Idiot, or whether I find someone new.

I'm sick and I'm tired of being a second choice, or, usually, not a choice at all. I need someone to see me and give me butterflies and keep me at the top of his mind. I need someone that wears the same goofy smile as me when we first meet. I need someone that wants to go to aquariums and In-N-Out and the beach and Saddleback Butte.

I need someone.

That's all there is to it.

Ugh. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

I don't believe in love.

Yesterday was pretty amazing. We went to the mall and wandered around for several hours. Basically, the day consisted of Armadillo Eggs, karaoke (always "Bohemian Rhapsody"), mild creeping, and giving guys our numbers. Casey gave her number to a cute doo-wop/punk/adorable guy, and we both gave ours to this interesting fellow nicknamed Crow with amazing eyes. Oh, and we did a survey and got paid. So I guess that makes us professional survey-takers.

Then, after I spent less than I intended at Barnes & Noble, we got Starbucks and pizza, then went home. Apparently, we're incapable of spending less than two nights at each others' homes. Crow called, and we talked over each other on speaker phone while I'm sure he just walked around, staring at his phone in dismay. Casey and I have to call him separately.

It was all pretty freaking amazing.

Couldn't write a word all day.

I'm dropping my math class after all. Thirteen credits is honestly too much for me to handle. I jumped from four hours of homework a week in high school, then tripled it over the summer. I've fallen too far behind to easily bring my grade out of failing range. I'll just take it again next semester.

What else is there?

There's a 90% chance that I have a date for next Friday. Hopefully he and I can hang out sometime next week before the date, but I won't hold any expectations for it.

And that's actually about it.

Exciting, eh?