The Terror

More often than not, I am a big ball of anxiety. Not in the way that people say they are, where they're only a little worried and trying to be funny, or whatever it is. I wish it was that. No, this is a big, all-consuming thing that darkens every inch inside my head and leaves me reeling for hours. I don't let things go; I can't. If I say something a bit stupid, I'll replay it for the next twelve hours and tear myself apart. I have nightmares about not getting to go to my school because I can't pay for it. From there, I can just envision the dark paths my life might take, and it launches me headfirst into something very akin to terror. I'm genuinely, truly terrified of too many things that don't even bother other people.

I dwell on horrible facts and terrible circles. Things like, "I can't get a job because I don't have a car, and I can't get a car because I don't have a job (or license)." I critique and nit-pick everything I do until I absolutely hate it. Honestly, my own body image is sliding and heading somewhere dark and shadowed and cobwebbed.

Sometimes, you just have to pour out those toxins in your heart, even if it's just a tiny bit, to let at least some measure of peace back in. That's how it works, right?

Probably not. It's difficult to get rid of the poison when you're the one that's toxic.

Keep your heart strong.

Guys, polar bears are brilliant.

You should all be aware that Cabin Pressure is my new favorite thing.

That is all.

Eyes like wildflowers.

I'm not particularly eager to go back to school, but at the same time, I'm excited to have something to do every day. This summer's been good, just a little long.
I went to Yellowstone and Park City a few weeks ago, and that was absolutely amazing. I mean, amazing.
Also worth mentioning: I have a new cat, named Charlie. I absolutely adore him, and he's actually a really affectionate little thing.
It's been a long summer, but it's been fairly interesting too. Adventures all over the place!
I really ought to be better about updating on here...

Six days.

Six days away from Carpinteria are six days too many.

My heart is a fist, and you're left of centre.

So, uh, I bought an iPad. It came in the mail yesterday, and I have to admit, it's my new favourite thing. Well, that, and Magic Piano. Not gonna lie. I even had it engraved to say "Put flowers on Algernon's grave" on the back. I'm a nerd, through and through.

This also means that I have Instagram. You can find me at starlithorizon, if you are so inclined.

Also, I really need a job now.

That is all.

Television and LIFE Magazine.

I'm thinking about asking for a job at the antique stores I frequent. It would be perfect! I could dress however I wanted (orange lipstick and all!), and I could handle the wares and get first pick, and I could hopefully get a discount, and, most importantly, I could get a steady income.

Casey, the loser that she is, basically talked me into getting an iPad. Don't let me play with your cool gadgets, because I will want to spend all the money I have on them. Ugh.

Also, I'm all signed up for my summer class. That's right, one whole class! I have to take English 102 to get that stupid critical thinking class I'm missing for the UC/CSU system. Somehow, critical reasoning doesn't count as critical thinking. Go figure.

Luckily, it's online. I'll probably just use my iPad for it.

I really, truly detest Casey. Though not really, cause she's sort of my best friend.

Anyway, that's all. How about a picture of a cute animal to reward you for reading this?

Can't make no sense of this.

Today we celebrated Casey's birthday. It was on Monday, and I got her a present (an awesome one, by the way), but we didn't get the chance to hang out. So today, we chilled at her house for a while before walking to Katz 'n' Jammers for lunch. We wandered the Boulevard, got books from the Friends of the Library sale, had cupcakes (hers had a sparkler and everything), and sang all over the place. I would call today awesome, and I would be right.

My cupcake looked like an egg, but it was lemon.

Dress from Torrid, shoes from Payless, bracelets from
Claire's and Casey, sunglasses from Tilly's, thrifted
bag, shoes from Payless.

Also, we found a blue wall and a patch of Astroturf, as you can plainly see. It seemed like a good idea for an OOTD post.

I think in decimals and dollars.

Do you know what animal I find absolutely adorable?

Cuttlefish.

No, seriously. The Cutest Cephalopod Award goes to the cuttlefish. Plus, they're actually really cool. You should Google them.

This has been a pointless, marine-creature-related post.

My weakness I feel I must finally show.

I just want something good.
That's all there is to it.

A better day is comin' my way.

I'm back, and I'm not sick anymore, and it's glorious. Glorious, I tell you!

I'm starting another blog for things like recipes and clothes and pictures of pretty things and whatnot. I'll continue posting here, but I'm just sharing the information because that's how I roll.

Anyway.

Nothing exciting is happening in my life. My purple is almost all gone (I think I'll re-dye on Friday, though. I dunno), and I planted a bunch of flowers and some basil. I'm currently hoping that they don't all die, cause I sort of have a black thumb. I hope I don't kill my new best friend!

My new best friend is a pot of African violets, by the way.

Yeah.

It's almost the end of March, but it's not nearly close enough to July to justify just how excited I am to go to Carpinteria this summer. And Mammoth. At least, I think it's Mammoth. But mostly Carpinteria. Unfortunately we won't be able to camp, but there's a Motel 6 there and it's a short, pleasant walk from the rest of the town and I really, really, really just want to be there right now. That is all there is to it.

Please, semester, just end already.

Especially you, sociology class. Especially you.

Thankfully spring break is next week, that will be the halfway mark. On the 10th, I will be closer to the end than the beginning. Now if the end of the semester would hurry up already...

Boring classes make for an impatient Sarah.